Photo Credit: Peteski / Peter Nidzgorski
With the past year riddled with isolation and lockdowns, dating culture has changed. Replacing blind dates, social events and any chance for a meet-cute situation, dating apps and virtual dates are the only way to find some romance with all of our social lives on hold. So what does this mean for the dating world post-lockdown? As we move further along the Covid ‘roadmap’ and more towards normality, a lot of people are starting to get back in the saddle with dating again, but how we approach it will no doubt be different after the changes in the last year.
Hayley Quinn is a dating coach and public speaker, dedicated to helping men and women gain confidence and learn to love dating, there’s no better person to ask about the state of dating in 2021. She gives us her insight and advice on post-lockdown love and how Covid has changed the culture of dating.
Hayley, it’s definitely been a weird year for dating, with zoom call dinner dates and socially distanced walks ruling romance throughout 2020 and the past few months for all of us in the single spectrum. When do you think things will go back to normal for the majority of people still in the dating pool?
C19 could well be one of those dating events (like the introduction of dating apps) that change how we date forever. Some of the dating trends that we’ve adopted throughout the pandemic, are likely to be here to stay. In recent research from Match, it showed 18% of people intend to carry on the ‘zoomancing’ (that’s video dates to you and me) after the pandemic has ended. A swing towards walking dates, having more open conversations around commitment and building a connection digitally before meeting, will probably also always be a part of our dating lives.
Online dating and dating apps have been one of the only ways to find some romance with all of our social lives on hold. You mention this digital connection as, possibly, a permanent feature of dating, do dating apps affect the way relationships develop?
Dating apps can sometimes feel like shopping for a date online: it can be too easy to detach yourself from the process and forget there’s another person on the other side of that screen. If you want your experience of dating apps to improve it will often come down to you choosing to have a more human experience of them. No more swiping when you’re watching Netflix. No more relying on the other person to make the conversation interesting, or forgetting to respond.
What’s your expert opinion on this way of dating, as a dating coach? And how do they affect dating culture in general?
Our modern culture of instant communication has made people flakier! If you met a friend of a friend at your local pub in 1980, the chances of you standing them up would probably have been pretty small; now it’s too easy to send a whatsapp message doing a last minute cancel. If you’re looking for a long term relationship you need to be the change here and start becoming far more accountable in your relationships.
Why do you think that this increase in people using online dating will stick as we ease into normal life again?
Online dating will undoubtedly keep growing as the main method people can meet. Yes it has its limitations, however, the ability to meet a wide range of people cheaply and safely is a huge benefit. That being said, as a dating coach, I’m a big fan of meeting people IRL. People may discriminate online against someone’s height, or someone’s age, in real life if we’re attracted to someone, we tend to be a lot more flexible in who we match with!
From your expertise and coaching over the last Covid-ridden year, is there anything that you’ve found has changed in what men and women are looking for in relationships?
In 2021 I anticipate we’ll see a 3 way split with how people approach relationships. Some people will want to make the most of their freedom (summer 2021 will be a big party season!), some will have seen the benefit of a relationship, others will find dating even more daunting after spending the best part of a year solo.
Have you found more people know what they want in a partner and relationship? And if we’re struggling to find it, how and where do we look in this climate?
One of the best exercises you can do to get out of a dating rut and become clearer about what you want is to take a break from dating to question your own dating patterns. With the normal distractions of single life removed, Covid meant a lot of people had to take a hardcore reset in their dating lives.
Do you think that the personal growth and self-reflection that lockdown has catalyzed for many has played a part in this and dating culture in 2021?
Absolutely! One of the best parts about being single and going through lockdown, has been the huge ability to experience personal growth. Where before if you were feeling blue you could head on a night out, or a last-minute date, to mask your feelings, with this out of the picture people have been pushed to confront their dating demons, and re-strategize for 2021.
If we are just looking to have some fun with dating again, many of us might be feeling a little cautious with the presence of Covid still looming, and after such a long time without being able to. What’s your best advice for getting back in the saddle?
Just like getting over a break up, you don’t have to rush back into dating, just because Covid is becoming more manageable. Also, the best people for you won’t push your boundaries- if you want to take things slowly, or have a really open conversation with someone before you meet, the best partners for you will naturally gel with how you want to get to know them.
Equally, the term ‘situationship’ has certainly been used more frequently over the last year – undefined and uncommitted relationships, often to do with proximity and the pause on dating and socialising. Do you think situationships will stay just as popular when we can go out and mingle freely again?
Unfortunately I think as long as people date, situationships will be a thing. Situationships can serve a purpose: if you’re unable to date, or don’t want to commit, they can provide a good amount of connection that suits where you’re at during this stage of your life. Situationships only get bad when you agree to participate in one, when you know you actually want more.
So Hayley, how do we date smart in 2021?
Use the self knowledge you’ve gained in the last year to become really clear now about what kind of relationship is going to work for you. If you constantly attract emotionally unavailable men for instance, recognise that you have the power to end this type of situationships.
Hold high standards for how someone should treat you, but be flexible about who you think your type is. Finally be proactive: it’s not about finding ‘The One’, it’s about becoming the one who can make your dating life a success.
Find out more about Hayley’s work and coaching on her website.
Words By Daisy Greetham
